Find Your Happy

I am reaching a milestone in my life and inevitably it makes one reflect on the last similar milestone.

When I entered my forties I tore up my life and threw all the pieces in the air.  Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t a flippant decision, but it was a brave one, because that’s what you need to really effect change – bravery.

Standing Alone

Standing Alone

The first time my children went to their dad’s I wept all weekend, hiding under the duvet and wondering what the hell I had done.  I grieved for weeks for the ‘normal’ family I had craved so much for as a child, and tried so hard to create as an adult.  Tried and failed.  I closed up my business and made staff redundant, another failure, and cried some more.

Finally girlfriends came knocking, refusing to all me to wallow any longer.  I got a job, and to my utter astonishment a good one.  I got used to the new house, and slowly turned it into a home.  I started running.  I practiced daily gratitude, and began to shift my focus from what I had lost, to what I still had.  Finally, after a year I tentatively started dating.

Approaching fifty is very different.  Setting aside the additional grey hair and wrinkles, the night sweats and hot flushes, and the general mayhem of menopause, I am in a great place.

I am literally surrounded by abundance living in the countryside, I share my life daily with a wonderful man, and I have increased my family from two fantastic children, to another three wonderful step-children.  Five amazing young people in my life with energy and humor and their whole lives ahead of them.  We have a lot of fun!  I realise now that my dream of that ‘normal’ family wasn’t about what it looked like in an advert on TV, it was about the feeling of belonging. Finally I belong somewhere, I’ve come home and it feels great!

We have a lot of fun!

We have a lot of fun!

And if that wasn’t enough, I will enter my fifties having written the most powerful story of my writing career: USED.  What’s more, it will be available in Waterstones, from Amazon and in kindle format.  That’s not an advert by the way.  It’s more of a ‘god it feels good to say that’ statement.

All my dreams: the big ones, the little ones and the ones I didn’t even know I had until they arrived, have all come true.

So what advice I would give my twenty something self?  Only this:

Find what you want that makes you happy.  I’m not talking out of a bottle, from a credit card or out of a biscuit barrel happy.  Those are transient, enjoyable, but they aren’t worth turning your life upside down for.

I’m talking about real core happy.  The things that make you grin so hard you think you might split your face happy.  The eye shinny happy.  That kind of happy.

Once you know what that is…be brave.  Don’t settle.  Shake things up.  Take chances.  Grab this life and make it yours.  Practice gratitude for what you have, and in the meantime do whatever it takes to make your happy happen.

Even if it means tearing up the pieces and starting again.

Believe me – it’s worth it!

I found my happy

I found my happy

 

Allison Agius writes gritty fiction contemporary exploring the darker side of human nature, and inspirational non-fiction.

Her books are available in Paperback from Amazon, Waterstones and direct from the author at www.allisonagius.com or email at allisonagius@me.com.

Also available on Kindle to start reading immediately!

 

 

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About me

Allison Agius lives in the North East of England with her husband.  They have five children between them. 

When she’s not working or writing she spends her time riding her Honda Hornet (in the summer), running (in the summer) and eating chocolate!